back the fuck up
There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.
did he just invite us over for tea nah man i’m out
This just keeps getting better
I fucking love history.
ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.
i’ve blogged this like 5 times and i still love it
no really, we need to talk about this. this needs addressing
it’s incredibly disappointing that this 17 second jelly dragon has some of the best dragon anatomy I’ve seen, and it’s a 17 second jelly dragon
*whisper* vagina dragon
The Fennec Fox is the Most Adorable Animal in the World
(We’re talking about monster’s being the antagonist of the story for this.)
The beautiful thing about monsters is that you can make them to be whatever you want. You can make them big, slimy reptilian things or some nightmarish entity from a dry, cracked desert realm. Not all monsters are creatures. There are plenty of human monsters out there as well.
In my opinion, monsters, be them creatures of the night or the psycho next door, need four things:
Scare Factor: What makes them scary? Is it just their appearance, or does it go beyond that? Is it their disposition, their voice, their ideals?
Power & Weakness: A good monster needs an edge and a way to be knocked down. If you can’t kill a monster —or at the very least— slow him down, they become pretty boring, pretty quickly and very predictable.
End Game: What do they want? Whether it’s a psychotic fueled killing spree because they weren’t loved a child, or they need to feed to survive, or wanting to rule/destroy the world/universe etc, they need a purpose or at the very least a reason for doing what they’re doing.
Mikasa and Eren:
Jean: “What is it Eren?”
Jean and Eren:
Jean and Marco:
Ymir and Crista:
Connie and Sasha:
Bertholt, Reiner and Annie:
Levi and Eren:
Oh my god. I don’t understand ship wars because have you seen the freaking fan art?!?! It’s so damn good its got me sailing every damn ship in the harbor! Just look at this beauty
got a little Eren taking charge
Some Levi in control and you’re like wow I ship it!! but then…
BAM!! Oh shit I like that too! Wow beautiful
Oh god look at the details fuck it I ship them too!!!! thennn
until you just
J.K Rowling said that her inspiration for Hagrid came from when she was 19 in a pub in the west country and this terrifying looking guy came in with these other biker guys and the only thing he talked to J.K about was how his cabbages were getting on
he is REAL